Soothe My Soul
by Eternal Flight
Summary: Just when Bolin thought he had the worst luck in the world, he meets a girl who puts a new twist on his perspectives. She seems to be just a figment of his imagination at times, but who is she really? Can she help him find what he stands for? Can he break her own expectations? Or is the cycle too hard to overcome? Rated T for some mild language. BolinXOC
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Curious**

Men don't cry. Or at least, that's what I had always assumed. But here one was, a seemingly regular man, standing out on the corner near my house, blubbering his eyes out like a small child. "It must be serious," I thought, with all that snot running limpidly down the base of his nose and precariously close to his lips. My nose started to tingle from being pressed so hard against the clamminess of the window that I had to move away, still perturbed why what in all of this city could have caused a man like him so much anguish.

Pulling my cloak from the rack near the main door, I couldn't help but let my wandering curiosity get the best of my senses. Part of me told me to stop, go upstairs and get all my chores done before I could barely stay awake, but I pushed it away as quickly as it fought attention. This kind of situation never happened in any of the books I could recall ever reading. The women in them seemed to have that role encompassed with flair. Would he one to break that norm? What hit a man's heart so? After stepping silently down the stairs, I walked in the shadow of the building until I was just behind him. _Take it slow. Best not to scare him off like a spooked animal._ I moved closer to him, gingerly taking step by careful step until I was no more than two steps from his side. Fishing in the hidden pocket of my mint-colored dress, I found a cleanly pressed handkerchief and extended it slowly until it was in his line of sight.

"There, there." I said calmly, waiting to catch his attention.

He turned around quite sharply, and the familiarity of his face almost made me flatten against the wall like an unwanted vine, although I really didn't know who he was. Anxiety galloped through my veins, making a voice jump nervously in my mind: _Dear God, what have I done? This guy could be a lunatic! Just look at the way he's crying. Would he find it amusing to kill me for offering him a handkerchief?_

The voice shut off as quickly as it returned when he took it to wipe his face, holding the now filthy hankie in the gap between us. When his eyes met mine, I looked away, already knowing what he was thinking. I was so plain that even a plate had more beauty than me. With honey colored skin that stretched over a unseemly body larger than most girls and brown chest length hair that couldn't ever decide what hue it wanted to stay, I had nothing that stood out from the next girl. The only thing that could stand out were my eyes; a soft green flecked with gold and even blue. But when placed above blotchy cheeks with extremely high cheek bones, they were most often washed out and worthless.

No wonder the man seemed unperturbed when he started to ramble. "Whoa! You scared the snot right out of me! Well, whatever was still in my nose at least. Geez, that was a nasty image wasn't it? Yeah? I guess it couldn't have been as bad as seeing me wailing like a polar bear dog."

He grinned sheepishly and I bit down on my lip to keep myself from laughing. No, this man really was something else. I took the hankie back by a tiny unused edge and dropped it back into the pocket, making myself a mental note to clean this dress and hankie especially vigorous in tomorrow's round of cleaning.

"Is everything alright?" I asked as politely as I could, but nonetheless his smile vanished off of his face.

"No. Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, or even a decent bowl of noodles. Why would a noodle like me be surrounded by this murky water?"

He started to tear up again, much to my confusion about why he was a noodle. I reached a hand out of my cloak, only momentarily, to touch his arm before slipping it back into the shielding darkness of its material. I couldn't just leave him here to cry on the street corner all night. He was a stranger, but with him being so heartbroken I had to at least give him some small ounce of comfort, if at all possible.

"Is there anywhere I could take you? Somewhere you could stay for the night?"

The sadness in his eyes only seemed to multiply. "Yeah. I know just the place."

Before long, the two of us were situated at a table in a small water tribe noodle shop in one of the busier districts of Republic City. The man at the door greeted him by name while just nodding politely at me. Bolin- that was his name. Bolin, the mysterious blubbering man. Even his name sounded familiar, but I still couldn't piece together why it seemed like I knew him.

"Thanks for coming." Bolin said quickly through a small gap he had between gulping down bowl after bowl of steamy noodles. "You're quite the stranger, miss. I mean, not that you're strange or anything. It's just- you just materialized out of nowhere. Woosh! I didn't even catch your name."

I fingered the lace trimming on my cloak. "My name's Liling, but I prefer Lily."

"Ooh, like the flower! I get it. So, Lily, aren't you hot in that thing? This place is like a water bath with all the steam trapped in here. Nobody here would think twice of taking your pretty coat, I promise."

All the blood drained from my face. Nobody needed to see what was beneath my cloak. I.. I couldn't. But I knew I had to. I wouldn't be rude to Bolin. It hadn't been his fault. Undoing the brooch that held its clasp, I hung the cloak on the back of my chair and watched as he slowed his noodle conquest to stare blankly at my arms. From the end of my dress sleeves all the way down to my fingers, my delicate skin was marred with a multitude of scars. The scars were gray with age, twisting and defiling my arms like angry snakes. I felt so ashamed, knowing that this was my curiosity coming back to nip me in the behind. Sooner or later, I always became the ugly duckling.

It took all the pride I had left within me to break the uncomfortable silence myself. "It's unusual, I know, Bolin. Well, if you're alright now, I should be on my way."

"Uh..yeah. Thanks, Lily." I could tell how hard he was trying to keep a casual tone.

Nodding, I picked up my cloak with a tiny smile. I walked a few steps, clasping my brooch before the one question I had wanted to ask all night sprung to my lips. "What made you cry, Bolin?"

His face froze above his last bowl full of noodles. "I think my heart's broken. My brother just stole the love of my life away."

As I walked unnoticed through the dark streets, Bolin's words circled ceaselessly in my mind. He was betrayed and let down by his own family. Even men could cry about those things? I almost hit myself for being so impudent. _That's impossible, Lily. Now is not the time. There are things for you to get done. For Ammon._

**AN: Here's my disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Korra in any way, shape, or form. I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review if you'd like me to continue. ~ E.F.**


	2. Disappear

**AN: Here's the next chapter. Thank you to all who are reading. This is in Bolin's P.O.V., so take it easy with the critique, please. It was not the easiest thing to write. **

Chapter 2: Disappear

Mako told me I sounded insane. He did that a lot when he found me headfirst in a bowl of food, but today it didn't make me want to laugh along with him. I knew Lily was real. I mean, sure, she came out of nowhere like a ghost and her creepy-crawly scars reminded me of stories Mako used to tell me to wet myself silly as a kid, but she was a real person. After a while, I was tired of trying to get him on my side, so I let the topic drop. I had this nagging feeling that once we got back to probending practice, he would have told Korra about my new "fantasy" and they'd never give me a break. Yeah, I was used to them having a laugh at my expense, but it was all in good humor, something we didn't have a lot of now. With Korra being the mighty Avatar and that creep Amon breathing down our necks with all his Equalist mumbo-jumbo and me having the worst luck of being captured by him, I didn't mind their humor, or any chance to laugh at all.

But it didn't mean that I gave up hope on finding Lily again. The more I thought of the blubbering idiot I had been that night around her, I wanted to do something- anything, to have her not think I was a complete idiot. But most of all, I wanted to prove Mako wrong. I swear just because he thinks he attracts all the ladies near and far of Republic City doesn't me he can't let his baby bro brag about meeting one on his own. Too bad Lily was impossible to find. When I had free time, I grabbed Pabu and walked around the city, trying to remember where she had come out and scared the crap out of me. It was dark, and I didn't recognize anything. Nothing ever changed; I came back just as empty handed as before. After a lot of weird looks from Pabu, and no more time on my hands, I called off the quest for the ghosty girl.

Things got really complicated, really quick. With our spot in the probending finals about to disappear into the abyss, we all put our efforts into pulling funds out of thin air. I was glad I had called off looking for Lily, though I did think about her from time to time. Sure, probending brought a gaggle of girls my way, but once they got one look at Mako- whoosh. Game over, buddy. My name disappeared, and girls just wanted to get with me to be around him. Again and again. Which was no surprise to me when he managed to snag the flipping heir to Sato Motors. Although Korra was less than ecstatic, it brought about all the money we needed for the finals. Can I get a woo-hoo? Our luck sure had turned around.

"Anything's possible, buddy." I grinned at Pabu as we made our round around the square back to the arena. "Who knows? Maybe we'll even find Lily."

A head snapped up a on my side, and before I knew it the woman and I had locked eyes; it was Lily. She was here! She existed! Take that, Mako. I could have jumped in the air and did a little victory dance at how pumped I felt. She smiled at me and started to walk over, but I was so excited to see her I met her halfway. My face was grinning so hard I thought it might crack at the seams.

"You have noooo clue how happy I am to see you're real!" I cried, trying to concentrate on scratching my head instead of crushing her in a hug.

"Hello to you, too, Bolin." She looked over to my shoulder. "It seems you've brought a little creature along with you."

I scratched my ferret under the chin"Who, Pabu? He's my pet, and the dashing mascot of out now-in-the-finals-for-sure probending team!"

"Could I pet him?"

"Oh sure, sure!" I took Pabu off my shoulder and held him out in her direction. She made a face, and pulled back her hand. "No, don't worry, he's nice and tame. Just like me!"

Giggling, she put her hand out again even more slowly for him to smell, then moved it back to scratch him behind the ears. Her face seemed really serious at first, but once he started to chirp happily at her, the smile that spread on her face was almost as big as the one on my idiotic face. Before I could stop him, Pabu wriggled out of my arms and jumped up onto her shoulder, looking mighty pleased that he's found a new perch.

"He seems to really like you." I managed as we both laughed.

She reached up to scratch him again, her big smile gone. "Really? I- I don't think I'm good with animals. At all."

"Whaaat? I mean, Pabu thinks he's a lady's man, like me of course, but he won't let just anyone escort him around. He thinks you're special."

She froze for a second, until the smile lifted her face again. "Thanks."

"So..." I looked around the square, trying to buy some time. "Are you busy or anything? I mean, if you are, I'll send you on your way. It's just... Pabu needs to get some fresh air, and he seems attached to you right now. I need to get some air, too, but I mean, who doesn't? We breathe in, we breathe out.."

I had to cut myself off before I sounded any stupider. I bet if Mako was here, Lily wouldn't be listening to him make a fool of himself. Brother was a pro with the ladies. Me,-just his bumbling shadow. Could I really mess this up?

"I have... some time." She said in between a giggle.

"Awesome! I was thinking, maybe we could walk into the park? Pabu would have a chance to scamper around without too much worrying of what he would be getting into."

"Sure."

I couldn't help stealing looks at her as we walked along. She wasn't wearing that fancy coat anymore, but a simple blue dress that covered her arms all the way down to her wrists. Even without seeing them, I still thought about her scars with a shudder. Trying to keep my mind from wandering to far into nothing land, I tried to open my mouth to say something, but just before I could, she smiled unexpectedly and reached over to scratch Pabu, who seemed almost regal curled up on her shoulders. He was such a show-off, but if it made Lily happy, I couldn't top that.

She finally managed to break the silence as we sat on the grass, watching Pabu explore. "You haven't been crying anymore, have you?"

"Huh?" I was taken back for a split second. "Oh, no, I'm alright now. There was no point in moping about it. What happened happened. Mako's my brother and that's what counts at the end of the day. If he's happy, I should be happy for him. It makes things a lot less difficult."

"You're a simple minded man."

"That's me- Bolin the idiot."

She looked up at me, then looked away when I held her gaze to smooth the edge of her dress. "That's not what I meant. You know what's good and honest then make it your choice of action. It's an admirable quality."

I couldn't help the huge grin that jumped to my face. "Ah, well, thanks."

"You deserve it." She said with a shrug as Pabu curled up in between us. "I have to say things openly, I'm afraid. There's never enough good being showcased in the world, so I believe that whenever you see good, even the smallest speck, you should encourage it."

I nodded heavily, laughing at her insight. "You're a deep person, huh, Lily?"

She didn't pretend to hide her shocked expression, which, I have to admit, made her look down right adorable. "What? You prefer I be shallow?"

That was all it took. Before long, I was slapping my legs in a bout of laughter so big that it shot pain through my stomach to try to get me to stop. I couldn't help myself! Lily caught it soon and was laughing just as hard with me, leaving Pabu to watch us like two crazy people.

"Wow." Lily managed after dabbing her eyes with another one of her hocus-pocus hankies. "Your parents must think you're quite the comedian."

My heart plummeted into my stomach. That sure ruined whatever fun we had earlier. "I'm sure they would have, if they were alive." I tried to manage a tiny smile. "Mako sure does, and since he's the only family I have left, he gets the full pleasure of getting to see all my antics all day every day."

I saw her hands shake as she staggered to get up. "I- I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Please forgive me, Bolin. I'll be going now."

Pabu even lifted his head at the notion of her leaving. _I just found you! _I could have screamed that from the top of my lungs Think, Bolin, think! I scrambled to my feet, trying to close the gap between he and the pathway behind us. "No, Lily, it's not a big deal. It happened a long time ago. You didn't say anything wrong. I'm fine, see? Same old Bolin."

She shook her head, looking past me to the pathway behind us. "I really do have to go. I'm sorry Bolin, but please, move aside."

There was nothing more I could do. I stepped away and gestured towards the best way, trying not to let my head droop too much. It was just what I deserved for being the biggest idiot alive. Was this the way finding Lily was supposed to end? Would she even care? Was this the rain on my parade?

It took me a minute to realize that she had stopped walking. I looked up, and I swear the look on Lily's face was the same one I had seen on Mako all those years ago.

"I feel for you." She said slowly, looking down at the ground. "I- I'm an orphan, too."

It didn't take me long to react. Within the blink of an eye, I moved closer and hugged Lily tight. Holding her in my arms, there was only one thing I could think about: _Yeah, she's definitely real. _


	3. Servitude

**Chapter 3: Servitude**

There are certainly things a woman can do better than a man. That had been the first thing Amon had said as he found me cowering in the corner of my house. Even after all this time, I continued to strengthen what he said. From sewing up uniforms that had been torn in recruitment to making food to feed a bustle of those undergoing training, I made myself essential to his workings. However, I wasn't a supporter of the Equalist, as strange as that sounded. It was Amon who had found me alone and half-starved, giving me something to occupy the empty hole my life had become. And I trusted him better than anyone else in this city, because we had things in common that not many others could lay claim to; he too was scarred and parent-less.

But as I began to uncover who Bolin really was, the deeper the pang of anxiety buried itself inside of my heart. Not only was Bolin a bender, but one who made a living off of it as a contestant in that pro-bending game. To make matters worse, the team he played for, the Fire Ferrets, was the team the Avatar had found herself joining. The two things Amon disliked most were all wrapped up so deeply in his life. Could matters be any more complicated for me?

I took greater precaution the next times I decided to go into the city. Don't get me wrong- Bolin was a great guy. He had a fantastic sense of humor, could overlook a lot of things others usually didn't, and had a good heart. But whatever we were- friends?- was not as important as my duties to Amon. But the plan didn't pull through as well as I thought. It wasn't easy to devote all of my attention to sewing or cooking. There I would be, swiftly fixing a hole in an Equalist jacket, until a tiny memory of our outing at the park would drift across my mind, willing me to relive the experience again. By the time I came back to reality, I had lost some precious daylight.

Frustration began to clamp itself at my throat. This was ridiculous! I could still be friends with Bolin without my work for Amon bearing any consequence. Just because he happened to be involoved with the Avatar gave no inclination that I had to as well. I was purely in relation with one person on opposite sides of the spectrum; I believed in Amon and not the Equalists, and I was relating with Bolin and not the Avatar. With my new state of mind, work was done faster and I had more freedom at my expense. Either at night or after my midday meal, I would wander through the square of the city, hoping the Bolin and I would collide like we had earlier. The memories of that day still brought a smile to my face. I hadn't had a day like that since, honestly, I could remember. But that didn't make me desperate. I wasn't craving his attention or crazy enough to stalk the places I knew he could be at- especially the pro-bending arena. If I found Bolin, great. If not, there would always be another chance.

It wasn't until one afternoon that I saw a glimpse of Pabu widdling his way through the crowds gathering in the square that my heart almost jolted out of my chest. Wherever Pabu was, Bolin was sure to not be too far off. When Pabu suprisingly made his way directly to my feet, I reached down to scoop him into my arms, only to be shadowed by a familiar figure. As I stood up to look Bolin face to face, I didn't take me long to see the excitement twinkling behind his eyes.

All of my composure went into keeping my face serious as a joke escaped from my mouth. "You really shouldn't let your pet run around by himself. Some pretty girl could pick him up and decide to take him home with her."

He broke out into a peal of laughter, causing a lot of people around us to turn to see what all of the excitement was about. Unable to hold it in anymore, I broke out into a smile I was sure would crack my face in half. Bolin was still laughing, and before long I joined in as well. That was, of course, until I was suddenly engulf in a toasty hug. It felt comforting- like home. He didn't let go until Pabu squirmed in my arms, begging us to let him have his share of air.

"So me meet again! Are you avoiding me, Lily? That's the only reason I see you every full moon!"

I feigned shock as Pabu worked his way up my arm and up onto my shoulders. "I don't believe my ears! Are you implying that I'm a bloodbender?"

"What?!" His face turned white. "No, no! I mean, look at you. You couldn't, that is, unless- Wait! I'm so confused!"

I couldn't help but laugh at how shaken he looked. "No, I'm not. Don't look so frighten, Bolin! It's alright. Tell me- what are you up to right now?"

"Well, I just got off of some intense training. Like, phew! I could almost fall over right here! But don't worry- I won't. Pabu seemed pretty sad about being cooped up all day so I decided to treat him for being such a good sport to a night out with the rest of Republic City."

"I'm glad to hear it! Poor Pabu. Would you mind if I joined? It seems the night is more enjoyable with company."

He grinned that huge smile of his down at me, offering me his arm in acceptance. We strolled through the square arm in arm, talking nonstop. Although I really had nothing of real importance to tell Bolin, I offered a lot of questions. I was shocked to hear how every time Bolin opened his mouth his life infinitely got more interesting by the second. After getting a glimpse into what in the world probending was, I become completely amazed at how much work it took to not only function as a team but stay a ranked team. I had always assumed that three benders of different elements just got together and took turns knocking each other around for a decent slab of money.

Somehow or another, we ended up in front of the same water tribe restaurant from before, and decided to stop in for a while. I had the honor of feeding Pabu, who sat patiently at the edge of the table while I relayed morsels of food to him. Bolin helped himself to bowl after bowl of noodles, breaking either to make me laugh heartily at his burping ability or to ask me a question. I answered each inquiry honestly- I was sixteen, a nonbender, an only child, and that Republic City was the place I called home. The only question I faltered on was when he asked what I did for a living. How could I tell him about Amon? I found the closest answer I could without lying: a seamstress.

But keeping Amon a secret seemed an impossible feat, even for Bolin. As he drifted closer over his bowl, I could barely make out what he was asking me. "What are your feelings of the Equalists?"

The tea cup in my hand could have shattered into a million pieces at how tightly I was now gripping it. I had to play this cool. There was absolutely no indication of my relationship to Amon detectable. Slowly sitting the cup down on the table, I willed myself to give Pabu another slice of food as I began to speak. "Honestly, I could care less. I've never held any vendetta towards benders or felt descriminated by them for not being one. I think Republic City is fine the way it's always been- a hearty mix of both."

He seemed quiet for a moment to long. My brain started rushing through all of the possibilites, frantic to make sure that I had given no indication of loyalty to Amon. Did he see through me? Was it possible for me to get up and bolt towards my house without looking back? I was about to die of mortification when Bolin suddenly reached across the table to touch my arm, a gentle smile spread across his face,

"I'm glad to hear it, Lily." The emotions were swirling openly in his eyes as I stared into them. "Those guys are scary business. The last thing I would want is for Amon to snag you, too."

Although I knew Bolin meant nothing but sincere concern for me, his words did nothing but make me angry. He had absolutely no right to judge Amon. He started the Equalists for his own reasons; reasons no one else could judge. All Bolin had offered me was empty words. Amon offered me comfort in his identity and willpower, even being so kindhearted as to employ me to keep me from starving to death.

I pushed the anger away somewhere I knew I wouldn't be able to act on it. "You worry too much, Bolin." I offered him the sweetest smile I could muster. "Nothing like that will ever happen to me."

My lie appeased him for the rest of the night, but the uneasiness at how close I had come to losing my compsoure but me on edge. This was the most torn I had felt in a very long time. With Bolin walking me back towards my house, I was grateful to have him talking so I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts. After a while, even that comfort died away, and the more he talked about himself the more I felt like my heart was being jabbed by thousands of tiny needles.

Unable to keep a quiet conscious, I stopped a street down from my house, turning to look over at Bolin. "Thank you Bolin. My house is just around the corner."

"Alright," He laughed as he pointed at my shoulder. "But could I have Pabu back, please? He might start believing that pretty girls like you are better owners."

"Oh!" I took Pabu from my shoulders gently, placing a quick kiss of his furry little head before handing him back over. "Good night, little Pabu. Thank you for putting up with me, and keeping my shoulders warm."

Bolin's eyes softened as they glanced back at me after Pabu settled across his shoulders. "Lucky guy."

I stared at him, completely confused at his sudden change of emotion. What had I done? As the realization dawned on me, I was almost taken back. Bolin wanted me to kiss him! The thoughts began to swim frantically though my head. What should I do? Would I be putting my work with Amon on the line? For goodness sake, I had never kissed a man- not even my own father! Still, I didn't feel anything other than shock at what he asked. Bolin certainly wasn't repulsive or a creep. Kissing him would be... sweet.

Leaning forwards, I planted a kiss on his cheek, too embarrassed to attempt it anywhere else. "Good night to you as well, Bolin. I enjoyed being able to spend time with you."

He reached over and caught me in another one of his bear-like hugs. My body seemed to melt into his, the adrenaline of being able to kiss him leaving me only able to hear how fiercly my heart was pounding in my chest. This was the happiest I had been since my parents passed away. Bolinknew how to make my heart soar, and his goodness was like a beacon of hope in this city ready to rip itself apart from the inside out.

"Promise me that we'll meet again. Please, Lily?"

His warmth breath tickled the side of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "I promise."

Neither of us wanted to separate from being nestled so perfectly in each others arms. When we did finally break apart after what seemed like forever, I ran all the way back to my house in exhilaration. This feeling of completeness- that everything was good and right in the world at this moment in time- kept me pacing and smiling like a fool until the early hours of the morning.

It wasn't until much later that my euphoria died out and the anxiety set in. I couldn't help thinking that I had did something wrong, and that everything I had thought was put into jeopardy. I didn't regret kissing Bolin, or being able to get close to him. What I did realize dreadfully was that my correspondence to Amon would never be the same.

"I'm sorry, Amon." I whispered as I pulled the covers over me. "I guess I'm a traitor now."

**AN: Something sweet to hold you over until the next chapter. I'm very thankful for all of you who are reading this. ~ E.F.**


	4. Anguish

Chapter 4: Anguish

_Something is wrong._

The thought hit me like a tidal wave out of the peaceful tranquility I found myself in. Peeking out of the corner of my eye, I glanced towards the window, which still showed no signs of daybreak. It was to early for the rest of Republic City, but never for me. Maybe I was just tired; that would explain the unusual paranoia that my mind was playing a trick on my still half-asleep brain. No- I couldn't bring myself to leave it be. I had heard that door click a thousand times, and that was exactly what had startled me out of my solemn work.

Putting down the Equalist jacket I was sewing a patch into, I left my sewing as it sat and made my way down to the kitchen, where the back door was located. My heart almost jolted out of my chest at my suspicions being right. Standing near the edge of my stove where two Equalists, snooping like a pack of hungry dogs. It wasn't until I noticed Amon's second-in-command staring directly at me that my uneasiness skyrocketed. Something big was going on- and I had not caught wind of it yet.

"I-I had a few more days until those jackets were needed." I stammered, jolting the two subordinates from their snooping into a staunch stance.

"Yes, well," Their leader said, widdling his way around the counter top to where I was standing. "That's of very little importance at this moment. We've been sent out here on another task."

My irritation at his haughtiness crept up instantly. "I see absolutely no reason for you all coming to my house at so ungodly an hour. Amon knows that if he ever needs more from me, all he has to do is leave a note right by that door you animals let yourselves in."

"My, my." He chuckled, leaning his goggled face down until it was inches away from mine. "Quite a rambunctious one, aren't you? And for so such an ugly girl, it only makes it harder to pity you. Listen closely, because I am not going to repeat myself. Amon has ordered that your house be used for much higher purposes than your silly, womanly work. You are to vacate the premise under my supervision, and never return here again. From this point in time, you are no longer of need to Amon."

The color drained from my face. This couldn't be happening. Amon was ditching me? I was being vacated out of my own house? I could barely squeak out the one word that was being screamed endlessly in my brain: "Why?"

"I'm sure you were of some use to Amon at one point in time, but you've been quite nuisance lately. You really are stupid, aren't you? Did you not think that Amon would hear of your- rendezvouses, shall we say?- with a cohort of the Avatar? He certainly has, various times, and can no longer trust your credibility or loyalty. He considers you a traitor."

My legs were shaking uncontrollably beneath me, ready to give out at any second. The little voice gnawing inside of my head was growing stronger. _I told you so. I told you so!_ I could barely breathe. _Traitor. _When I had said it under my breath, it had all been in jest. There was no more time for joking when my reality was on the line.

"No more wasting my time." He growled, waving over to the two goons. "You have until the clock chimes to gather a few belongings. Boys, follow her and make sure she doesn't try anything funny. Never give a traitor a gap; they're already enough trouble with these benders on their minds."

Everything flew by so quickly before my eyes. I became a robot, mechanically making my way up the stairs between the two Equalists. There was a decent sized napsack in my room- grab it. I packed it stiffly with a few things I couldn't bear parting with: a soft knit dress, my father's handkerchief, and my mother's botanical journals. I stood in silence staring into the oasis of my house, the herb storage room that my parents had left to me in their deaths, as the goons checked my sack several times before handing it back to me.

As I was led back down the stairs, a small spark of anger flickered within me, growing with each chime of the clock. How dare they. How dare they remove me from my own home, the only thing that I had left to anchor my life! This was preposterous! I had never told Bolin anything that would jeopardize Amon! Did my years of service to him mean nothing? Why didn't Amon give me a chance to explain?

When I stood in front of the leader again, something inside of me snapped at the sight of his smug expression. This was not going to end without a fight. I leaned forward and spat in his face, watching triumphantly as my saliva slid across his goggles. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, _Take that you bastard! _In my own arrogance, I failed to see his fists until it crashed into my jaw. I fell to my knees, and I knew without a doubt that he had broken something with how excruciatingly unbearable the pain in my skull was. My sense of victory soon vanished, as well as any hope that I had that I would live to see another day.

"Get that animal out of my sight!" He growled, wiping my spit off with an irritated swipe. "I order you to bind her and shock her. Kill her, for all I care! When you're done, go pick out a nice spot to dump the body, somewhere where no one would be cursed to find it. I never want to see this piece of dirt again."

In seconds I was bound and led off to a dark room somewhere on the other side of my house. All I could do was cry. Cry until the tears streamed down my face so uncontrollably that I would neither see nor breathe with any ease. I was going to die. All along, despite all of my willpower, I could never escape putting it off. I should have just died in my starvation all those hundreds of days ago, leaving Amon unable to catch me in his snare. As the glow of the soldiers' gloves sent a whirring noise ricocheting off of the air around me, the fear left me unable to do anything but watch glassy-eyed as one grabbed hold of me, sending the electrical current flying though every fiber of my body.

All of my memories flashed before my eyes, and I sent out a little prayer of remorse in the tiny sliver of time I could still think. _I'm so sorry, Bolin. _

**AN: Hope you enjoy. Thank you to all who are following this and reviewing. It means a lot to me. ~E.F.**


	5. Nightmare

**Chapter 5: Nightmare**

Despite the waves of pain crashing through my body, there was only one thing flooding my senses: the stench. I hadn't even managed to open my eyes when it hit me, sending me from sputtering to almost gagging as it engulfed my nostrils. Now, with my eyes thrown open, I almost keeled over at the sight of these unsightly fumes swirling around me. That was until a dirty face of a man popped into view, scaring me right out of my wits end.

"By all that's good!" He cried, settling down beside me with a slightly graceful step. "It looks like you're awake. I thought I'd never see it with my own eyes!"

All I could focus on was all the grime and filth surrounding us. Wherever this was, it was somewhere below the surface and, quite frankly, somewhere I would have never dreamed of setting one foot in. This made no sense. When had I left Republic City? This certainly could not be apart of it. Only miles and miles of pipes and dangerous little rodents populated the city unseen by the eye. Or did it? The fogginess seemed to settle in my head, making me want to think less and less.

"How?" My voice cracked, sounding almost gravelly from not being used. Where was I? What happened? Why did I feel heavy and tired at the same time?

His eyes twinkled with excitement. "It caused quite the uproar, let me tell you. One of our poor lads found you in a large pile of trash over in a corner of the city. Almost didn't see you, he told us, because they had piled some large bags right on top of you. Gave the guy a fright! He dropped everything he was doing and carried you right here to me. We sent a few more guys out there to double check for anything else, but all they found was a satchel that seemed out place. I cleaned it up, and you as well, making sure to keep an eye on you to see how you'd come along."

I stared at the satchel in his hand and almost stopped breathing as the memories hit me like a violent slap of realization. My home no longer existed. I was a traitor. They would have preferred me dead. The tears sprang to my eyes for my reality, but moreover for the overwhelming and unexpected kindness of these people. If that boy hadn't found me, I probably would have been buried alive under all the weight of those bags. He carried me all the way here, and this man, who didn't know one speck of knowledge about me, wasted their precious time to care for my well being.

I could scarcely think of what to say that held as much gratitude as I was feeling."T-thank you."

My meager vocalization was met with a gentle laugh. "It was the least we could do for you. Though it sure would be nice to know your name."

"Lily."

"The name's Gommu." He scratched his head, sending a cloud of dust into the air, before he spoke again in a quieter voice. "We really couldn't have left you out there, Lily. Republic City has turned into a hell hole."

His sudden gravity settled with great unease in my heart. "How?"

"Amon and his Equalists attacked the probending finals full fury, leaving everyone suffering in its wake. Now, the entire city is practically under his command. It's rough out there. The chief of police is down, the Avatar has gone into hiding, and honestly, I don't think anyone in there is safe."

Just the sound of Amon's name sent me into total chaos. As soon as his name popped out of Gommu's mouth, I couldn't control the overwhelming shaking that rendered me helpless. I could see that last day flashing in my mind as if it were all still happening. _Traitor_. The little voice stabbed like a sword through my chest, but I found myself only able to weep at how much the voice seemed to loathe me. _You're all alone again._

"There, there." He reached out his arm to offered some sort of condolence. "You've been through a lot, and we're not going to judge you. But I have to ask, is there someone up there you need to get back to? We'd be happy to keep you here as long as you need us, though I'm sure being around a bunch of sewer rats doesn't sound very appealing. If there is someone, Lily, you say the word and we'll do our best to make sure you make it up to them safely."

"You're too kind." I dabbed the tears with the edge of my soiled dress. How could I possibly ask them to take me to the surface? Who knew what kind of hell could be waiting up there? Despite the gnawing doubts, I knew I had to venture out there. I had nothing left, save for Bolin. Would I put my own life on the line to find him? Yes. He was all I could hold on to now. "But I must go up there alone. There is someone I need to find."

I filled Gommu in on Bolin, and his relation to the Avatar. If anyone knew any whispers of where the Avatar and her cohorts had gone, I'm sure these sewer rats would be just the people. His eyes lit up with excitement, but when he furrowed his eyebrows, I felt my stomach lurch. Either he knew and wouldn't tell me, or the location of the Avatar was too much of a risk to uncover. This couldn't be the end of the road. I had to find Bolin. He was the only thing I could count on to be left in the crumbled, desolate my life had become. I couldn't stand the thought of being all alone again.

Gommu suddenly snapped his fingers, jolting me out of my unhappy thoughts. "Ah ha! I've got just the plan for you spinning around in my little mind. The Avatar and some of her friends come out at night to combat some of the Equalist undertakings. From what I've heard, they come and go from different remote locations on the edge of the city. Your best bet would be to travel up there and try to catch them on their way back out. I'm warning you, though. Even in the dark, it'll be mighty dangerous up there. You may not even find them. The risk is all yours, and we won't judge you either way."

I had to find Bolin, even if it could be against all odds; nothing could stop me. Swallowing my anxious tears, I held Gommu's gaze with the most serious face I could muster. "I'll go."

Without Gommu's patience, the trek would have been impossible. I insisted, at first, that it was too dangerous for anyone to risk their lives coming with me, but after nearly collapsing to my knees on my first attempt to stand, it was decided that I couldn't go alone. The pace I could offer was tedious, but I was always reassured that we had plenty of time until the Avatar and her gang would call it quits for the evening.

My drive to conquer over my pain was fueled by whatever scrap of dignity I had. The bruises and cuts meant nothing to me; I had always considered myself ugly. The weakness that crept into my mind did, though. Just because life had made me scarred and awkward did not make me cower or bend to someone else's will. Sympathy and commandeering were things I avoided altogether; all I wanted was respect like any basic human being.

Step by labored step, Gommu and I made our way up to the edge of Republic City, where rumors said the Avatar came and disappeared from. We stopped often, so I could catch my breath, but luckily the thick blanket of darkness hid us each time. The pain was almost unbearable at times; it seemed to lodge itself into every fiber of my being, like tiny thorns of burning intensity. Tears sprang to my eyes with almost every few steps, but I bit my lip to keep from crying aloud, repeating over and over the only word that could ward off any inclination to break down: Bolin.

With each step we took, we listened to hear any changes of action happening in the city around us. Everything seemed to hushed, too deathly still for even a sleeping city. Then, out of nowhere, noise erupted like a volcano. The ground beneath us quaked slightly and we shot against a wall, listening as the small explosions and rumbling that seemed to be happening on the other side of the city. My stomach lurched in dread; we would never make it that far anytime soon.

"Maybe we should turn back." The words tasted like poison in my mouth. I would never find Bolin. There was no hope left in this situation.

"Shh!" Gommu seemed to be growling anxiously, craning his head quickly. "Listen- the sound is moving. It might not be too late!"

He was right. As I silenced myself, the sound seemed just as far, but not across the city anymore. Whatever was happening, the fighting was much to fast to be done on foot. I clutched to whatever hope I had left in my heart praying that it was who we were waiting on, and that they would reach us soon.

_Please. _I bit down harder on my lip to keep from weeping. _I know I'm always saying that there's not enough good in the world, but if there's anyone, anything, out there listening to me right now, I'm begging that you sprinkle a little of it on me tonight. Don't leave me alone, like you did all those years ago, I c-_

A hearty crash startled me out of pleas. It couldn't have been more than a few blocks behind us. Gommu and I locked eyes, waiting for another noise to aid us in where we needed to head, or who was heading our way. Voices broke through the air like a beacon of hope, wavering in the space directly behind us. My legs started to shake uncontrollably. Could this finally be it? Who would be waiting around the corner for me? Gommu grabbed my arm, forcing me to the edge of the shadows, only inches from the terrifying glow of a streetlamp.

Throwing my knapsack at me, Gommu pushed me out into the street, giving a tiny whistle before exiting off into the shadows. I turned to look for him, but he was already gone into the protection only the darkness could provide. Four figures were standing only a foot or two away from me, and before I could even set eyes on them, I could feel the animosity and tenseness emanating off of them. Oh no. These had to be Equalists. I was dead. Gommu had left me to die. I fell to my knees, watching helplessly as one separated from the group and rushed towards me. Would they electrocute me again? Would they watch me drown in the water?

"Lily?" The shock in his voice settled over me, and I broke down in realization. These weren't Equalists! I had found Bolin, just at the right time.

"Bo-" It was all I could manage as the waves of overwhelming emotions and pain left me shaking like a leaf.

"No, no," His voice rose with the realization that something was not right. "This is not good. Guys- I think she's pretty hurt. Hang on, Lily, ok? I'm going to get you some help. Can you tell me how this happened?"

The tears rolled down my cheeks as I grasped onto his shirt, unable to hold them in any longer. My heart seemed to be sitting in my ears, ringing as loud as anything else around me. Tiny specks of darkness began to cloud my vision, and I could feel my grip starting to loosen its hold. The pit of anxiety grew to a new level; my strength would leave me soon.

"Stay." I whimpered feebly, afraid that if I would lose Bolin as well as my consciousness.

A rush of air seemed to rush past me. Even though he was opening his mouth,  
I didn't hear a single word. Clamminess settled across my skin as all the air seemed to be knock out of my lungs. The darkness quickly overtook me, and for the second time in days, I was afraid to die.

**AN: I'm sorry that I haven't updated in some time. I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. Thank you to all who read and review. Chapter 6 will be up shortly! ~ E.F.**


	6. Blockade

Chapter 6: Blockade

{Bolin's P.O.V.}

It was hard to do anything but pace like a madman when we reached Air Temple Island. Lily was whisked away immediately by Korra and Asami to be checked for serious wounds as soon as I put her down, and I was forced outside to give them privacy. I scuffed my boot against the pavement in irritation for the twentieth time tonight. This was so wrong! Why did tonight, when everything seemed to be making a turning point, have to end up on such a bummer? Was the world like "Oh, look! Here comes Bolin! Lets shove some more crud into his life?"

"Hey, I just got done talking to Tenzin." I had forgotten that Mako had left me out here minutes ago. "He said they'll be happy to keep her here as long as we think it's safe. No worries bro, though I'm sorry it happened this way."

I shrugged, trying to force a tiny grin onto my face. "It's not your fault, Mako."

"I know, but it's still hard to see you like this, you know? The night was going pretty well until that shook you up. Keep your chin up- she'll be just fine. Korra will do everything in her power to make sure of it, so driving yourself insane about it won't help anyone."

As kind as he was trying to be, I couldn't pay much attention to Mako. My mind seemed to be churning a hundred thoughts in a teeny, tiny second. How could I not stress about seeing Lily like this? Just thinking about how hurt and terrified she looked made me furious. It hit me right at the center of my big, stupid heart like a brick. Someone had done this to her, and if I ever found out w-

"Everything's going to be just fine." Korra stepped down from the women's living quarters with a loud sigh, breaking me from my rage filled thoughts. "She had multiple bruises and gashes, but nothing that won't heal with time. While Asami's cleaning her up, I suggest we head on over to the dining room to discuss tonight's findings. And it may just be me, but I'd really like to find out how you know this girl, Bolin."

I couldn't hide my joy at Korra's news. Lily was going to be alright! As the grin spread across my face, I nodded over at her. "Alright."

"She's over in that room with Mom."

I almost died of shock where I was standing. Lily was already up and moving at noon? No way! We all had expected that she would sleep off most of the day, but from the girl said- Jinora, maybe?- it looks like that was a no-go. I had to smile, although my heart was twisted like a slightly uncooked noodle. Even after explaining how Lily and I met, everyone else seemed a little skeptical of her sudden appearance last night. Whaaaat?! I tried to show them how much of a good person she was, how much she cared for Pabu and me whenever me got together, but still everyone was giving me a huge thumbs-down. Lily would be interrogated for everyone's safety.

Walking down the hallway with Pabu wrapped around my shoulders, I felt like there were two sides battling inside me. What could I say to not make it seem like she might not be welcome here? Did she feel alright? How would everyone treat her here on Air Temple Island? I stopped outside the door, throwing my hands to my head, as the conversation inside caught my attention:

"-and it didn't matter that Tenzin was a bender. It never did. The problem was that I didn't feel worthy enough as a nonbender. He was the heir of the airbending bloodline, so why would he want to marry someone as normal as me? After a while, I decided putting myself down would get me nowhere. My feelings were true for him, and I would do everything humanly possible to make him happy. Here we are now, married with three kids and one on the way, and non of this would have been possible if I let my fears stop me."

"You're a very wise woman, Pema." Lily's vouce barely reached my ears, but it still sent my heart racing like a polar-bear dog. "Those children and Tenzin are lucky to have you in their lives. You could inspire many young women."

Once her embarrassed laughter set in, I decided to make my appearance. Lily was sitting on a small stool , a small piece of clothing held between her hands. She turned to look at me, and despite the huge, nasty looking bruise covering half of her face, I couldn't help thinking she looked beautiful. The smile she had on her face slowly disappeared, and she turned away towards Pema.

"Hello, ladies!" I grinned cheerfully, trying not to let the twisted feeling in my heart throw me off. I took Pabu off my shoulders, letting him scamper around on the table between us. "Glad to see you up and about, Lily. How are you feeling?"

"Well enough to be moving around, thank you." She replied quietly, scratching Pabu's head. "I couldn't sleep any longer, so it was i8n everyone's best interest if I made myself useful. Pema had some laundry that needed repairs, and I was more than happy to help with that."

"Oh." It was like waving red flags right in my face. Lily obviously did not like being here. Did something happen? What was making her act so icy? " Well, there's still some food being served in the dining room if you haven't eaten. If you lovely ladies are comfy here, I wouldn't mind running over to grab you something."

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry. I still have this whole basket to finish up today. You could always come by and invite me to dinner, I suppose. What about you, Pema? Can Bolin dote on you?"

Pema glanced between the two of us for a few moments. Hey, I might be an idiot, but I knew she was thinking the same thing I was: Lily was acting really cold. "No, thank you, Bolin. I'm just fine."

"Alright. I guess I'll see you later, then."\

Closing the door behind me with a small thud, I couldn't help letting out a sigh of frustration. Everything was going down hill really, really quickly. Lily was safe now! Didn't she understand that's what mattered most to me? I could have slammed a boulder into the wall, but the fears hit me before I could act in my anger. Lily didn't care about me the way I thought she did. All those memories we had were just that- memories. All those smiles, laughs, and times to forget about fighting for my life wouldn't exist anymore. Could I ever get her to act that way again? Or was it something I had no right fixing?

Dinner was about as rigid as an ice cube. After Lily was introduced to everyone, and she muttered over and over how grateful and indebted she was, not another word was spoken between any of us. None of us were quite sure how to approach her, and she wasn't trying to make things any easier. She kept her eyes downcast as soon as she was served, slowly passing morsels of food either to her mouth or to Pabu, who hadn't left her side since our awkward encounter earlier.

This was driving me insane! Lily didn't have to be treated like some unwelcome prisoner here. It was plain as day that she had been through so much before she found us. Everyone had to stop freaking out about Lily and if she was out to do some dirty work behind her and just letting her breathe! She needed to know she was safe here with me- with all of us.

When Pabu started squirming impatiently on one of her shoulders, I instinctively reached over to grab him and put him on the floor to scamper. Quick as lightning, Lily flinched, cowering away from my touch as Pabu was sent into my arms with the unexpected jolt. My jaw fell open, and it was clear that I wasn't the only one feeling this way; everyone else was watching Lily with just as much shock. She stood up, shaking as the tears spilled down her bruised, pale face.

"Excu-" She managed before jolting out of the room.

As I watched her go, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. What in the world had I done? When I was finally able to move, I turned to face everyone across the table, but everyone was staring uncomfortably into their plates, wishing this situation had just happened. No one cared, other than me; I was the only one who wanted to fix this problem, to tell Lily everything was going to be just fine and hold her in my arms.

Grabbing Pabu off the floor, I shoved him across the table to Mako. "Here, watch him. I'm going to find Lily."

**AN: Like I promised, here's the next chapter! I'm actually writing something else at the moment, so this fanfic might have to be put on the backburner for a little while. Please review and thanks as always for reading. ~ E.F. **


	7. The Cold Truth

**Chapter 7: The Cold Truth **

I should have known that Bolin was going to follow me out here. Leave_ me alone! _The urge to scream rose in the back of my throat, but I held it back, weary that I was on such an uncontrollable roller coaster. My emotions were all over the place, running like the breeze that seemed to hug this island. Was it too much to ask to put myself back together again? Nothing made sense anymore. All that I knew was that I was tired and confused. All this time, I had believed that finding him would fill the huge hole that cratered my heart. It didn't, and the hole felt even larger.

He slowly sat down beside me, closing the tiny, well-kept pathway off so that I had nowhere to run. Staring out into the calm water of the meditation pond, I tried to keep the tears that were threatening to spill secured within my tear ducts. _No use in hiding now, Lily. You're trapped in the blotted mess your life has and will always be. _The anxiety flooded my senses. Would I have to tell Bolin the whole truth? Tonight?

"I-I don't know what to say." He laughed quietly, then said nothing at all for a few moments. "I may just be an idiot, Lily, but I know when something big is going down. Looking at you all day has been sending me red flags. I know you're bottling something up, and that's not good. You'll end up spewing like a volcano."

A smile tugged lightly at my lips from his last comment. "Oh, Bolin. There's too much going on inside my mind right now. Please, just leave me alone."

"No." My heart jumped when he suddenly took my hand in his. "No more running. Tell me."

Looking back out into the pond, I let out a huge sigh. The beauty of the moonlit water seemed to be at war with the turmoil inside my own mind. I couldn't do this. He has no right! All of those feelings that I had pushed back over the years were beginning to bubble back to the surface, and it left me feeling sick to my stomach. _No! Do not give in. Find your center, Lily. _

"It's a long story." I muttered wearily. Perhaps Bolin would drop it.

"And I'm a patient guy. I may be stupid, but I'm here to listen, no matter what you're going to say."

I sat impassively as a small breeze rippled softly through my navy blue dress, luring me somewhere deep in my memories. "My parents both came from a small village somewhere in the Earth Kingdom. They grew knowing each other, but I really don't think either of them were expecting the arranged marriage. My father's side of the family was wealthy enough, thanks to their business as traveling merchants. My mother's side of the family dabbled in herbalism, so it added another element to the business when they married. Too bad my father wasn't in charge. My uncle, Liwei, was the first born and took over like the family had been doing for generations. That left my father to travel for him. I know he resented it, but Uncle deserved it. He just had that cool head every businessman needed to keep their work above ground.

"Traveling was always a great strain on my father. Whenever we were on the road, I swear the only face he had was one set in a deep scowl. He complained sometimes when things weren't going as planned that he should have killed my uncle when he had the chance. He told me it was just a joke, but if you could have seen his eyes, Bolin – so cold, so vengeful- you would have felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise. What kind of man jokes about murder? A sick one, that's who.

"My mother was the light to my father's darkness. Knowing my father was prone to so much negativity, she did her best to make herself always useful to try to appease him. Her embroidery and knowledge of plants could surpass that of anyone else I knew, but she didn't make a big deal of it. She was always thankful and grateful that she had skills to rely on and teach to others. 'The point of learning and excelling' she used to tell me ' is not to puff yourself and make people envy you, but to enable them to do things that you might have once taken for granted.'"

I let out a shaky sigh, tightening my grip on my dress. "That's what I loved most about her. She was always bright, looking for the best in everything and everyone to make life a little more gratifying for those we came into contact with. She loved me so much. Too bad my father took a shot at her whenever he had a chance. Do you know how many times he called my mother a worm and told her she was a worthless excuse for a wife? Too many times.

"She endured it, and I watched helplessly as it escalated. Yelling was never enough for him. He started to hit her every night when we would pack up for the night to rest. I was only a child when it started; just a measly kid of eight years old. There was nothing I could do. I was so powerless. One day, she couldn't take it anymore. She was dead when I woke up. No blood, no struggle. She, she just looked like she was sleeping. That knowledge of herbs must have been her only option. She killed herself."

The tears welled up in my eyes, but I blinked them away. _No_- I had come to grips with this a long time ago. She left me to fend for myself, and there was no time for grief. Bolin squeezed my hand gently, and I held on to this sliver of strength to continue. "It drove my father over the cliff he had been precariously teetering on. I was his next victim. We traveled on and off for a few more years because no one in his family or hers wanted anything to do with the crazy man he became. They thought some time away would help him clear his mind and find some strength to move on after her suicide. It was hell. Not only did I have to cope with losing my mother, but I had to cower at the animal my father was twenty four hours a day. He despised me. Any little indication of my mother in me was whipped to vanish. He.. had this horrible whip he bought to supposedly fend off any wild animals we might encounters, filed with tiny little thorns and spikes. All lies. I was the animal he fended off. These monstrous scars are his fault! He marred his own child! I would be forever ugly because of his ill deeds."

The anger and self loathing shot through me, raw and uncontrollable. My jaw tightened and I bit back a howl of rage. After all this time, I had not healed from his unspeakable acts of torture. They would never disappear, just like these scars. He would always be the monkey on my back. I took a few moments to steady myself, finding my center to finish this roller-coaster of horror. "My uncle was ashamed of the shell of a man his brother had escalated into. They saw my scars and did nothing to help me. Even Liewei couldn't comprehend that his brother would stoop to that level. And I never told them it was him. I lied through my teeth: I had fallen into a thorny bush from climbing a tree and was injured. They believed it. We were sent here to Republic City to find some stability. My father was hired by a friend of the family, but he didn't improve. The confinement gnawed at him. He drank. A lot. The fear multiplied within me when he came home in a stupor. I prayed that I would live another day, and somehow I did.

"No one could help me. I was imprisoned in our house all day, cleaning and cooking like a ghost. He never let me out- not even when he was not working. Thank god I had my mother's notebook to keep me company. As much as he hated her for killing herself, I think he still felt something for her that wasn't all evil. I studied her herb knowledge, and became a master behind his back. I could have killed him if I had the chance, but I didn't. I stayed, and endured his sorry excuse for a lifestyle. This went on until I was almost fifteen. Then, one day, he just vanished. He hasn't come back to this day. He's probably dead, and I'm glad. He deserved whatever fate awaited him. But still, how could he just leave me? Did I mean that little to him?

"I panicked. He left me to fend for myself. I had some money that he kept in the house, and there was just enough food to last me a month or two if I was lucky. He had a spare key hidden under his bed, and for the first time in my life, I ventured out into the city alone. It was frightening, and I could only do it one a week. I had no skills to work. I could barely speak to my own father and please him, so how in the world was I going to manage working with multiple people counting on me? After a while, I never wanted to leave the house, other than to get food. The food and money ran out in three months. Some days, I forced myself to scavenge through trash bins like a sewer rat. There was never enough food to keep me going. I was going to starve to death in my own house."

With a quick movement, I snatched my hand out of Bolin's as I got to the part of my story with Amon. He would never understand. "And that's when Amon found me. He probably thought the house was empty, but there I was, curled up in a helpless ball waiting to die. He terrified me, and I had no idea who he was. The anxiety bubbled up inside of me. Had my father still alive, and had sold the house? Was this man looking for him? I thought of a million things that could have come out of his mouth, all cold and evil. But you know what he said to me? He crouched down next to me, and as I stared into his masked face, he said 'So you too are scarred and parent-less. Just like me.'

"Amon took pity on me when the world had turned against me. He gave me a job to keep me going, and food to put into my stomach so I would never have to worry about starving again. He saved me, Bolin! As much as you loathe him, think about this: I would have died if he had not found me. But I am, and never will be an Equalist. I have absolutely no grudge against benders of any sort; they've never done anything to me. From this day, I had thought I owed my life to Amon's kindness. But that wasn't the case. He got word that I was meeting you, and he ordered me out out of my own house in consequence. He had every right to; I betrayed his confidence. I was furious, and retaliated against his henchmen. They beat me and left me for dead."

I reached for the bruise that still lingered painfully against my jaw. "That was how the sewer people found me. They took me in, a complete stranger, and helped in any way that they possible could. I had never encountered that much kindness, not even from my own family. The man, Gommu, helped me find you. I had no idea of the havoc Amon had caused in the city. If I had know that this was his true self, I would have never left him save me. I rather die than support a murderer. We made our way up to the city through the sewers in the dead of night, and thank god that I found you. It could have just have easily been a horde of Equalists."

I stood up suddenly, the weight of getting my tale off of my chest replaced by dread. There was only so much Bolin could understand and forgive. His friends would never think of me the same way, and I knew that my time here on Air Temple Island was close to done. They would never let a cohort of Amon, in any shape or form, stay here near the Avatar. Their distrust and hesitance towards me had been well found. I was nothing more than a traitor, over and over.

Bolin stood as well, leaving me again with nowhere to run. "Lily, I-"

"No!" I screamed, my emotions getting the best of me for a moment. I let out a harsh exhale, glancing into his drained face. "No, Bolin. Don't start. You have nothing to offer me. I told you the truth, and you only have one option. Go and tell your friends everything I have just said. My decisions have already been made, and like always, I must bear the heavy weight of their consequences. My presence here has been unwelcome and taxing, but your friends' gut instincts to not accept me openly has been well founded. Go."

He looked deep into my tear stained eyes, and, for a moment, I swore that he was going to embrace me into one of his bear hugs and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Things could be like they always been, and that he believed in me. That he loved me. Instead, he turned his back on me and walked back towards the dining area without a single glance backwards. The realization of this gesture sent a knife through my heart, and I collapsed on the alternate path in grief, wondering how in the world setting this right had caused this much wrong.

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you, like always, for reading and reviewing. ~E.F.**


	8. Omen

**Chapter 8: Omen**

My stay at Air Temple Island would come to a halt with a matter of hours. I could feel it in my bones as I wandered around the island, lost in my own thoughts. For a while, I hoped someone would come to fetch me, so we could get it all over with, but no one came to save me from my own creeping fears. My future was inevitably a blank slate, covered in darkness and ill will from the world. Everything had been up in the wind since I lost my home, and back again now that I had lost Bolin. Where could I go now? Who could take me in?

A muffled grumble jolted my attention back to reality. Moving slowly towards the large open building the sound emanated from, I notice two white creatures watching me with little amusement. My breath caught in my throat at their looming presences. Did creatures like this really exist? Sure, I had heard my mother whisper tales about such animals – long stories about the Avatar and his sky bison and all of the animals across the nations- as I drifted off to sleep as a child. But they had always been tales, up until now.

Tip-toeing through the corridor, I couldn't help but let my curiosity draw me away from my dreary thoughts and closer to the largest creature. A large bushel of hay blockaded my immediate confrontation with the snowy mammoth that seemed to dwarf me in its presence. My amazement quickly changed to fear at the realization of how much strength I had compared to it. One wrong movement and I could be crushed. As mesmerizing as it still was, in light of the danger, caution was the best approach.

Reaching my arm forward, I held my hand out in the open air between us. The sky bison opened its eyes slightly, pulling its nose to meet my now shaking hand. One huff blew out from its nostrils, and then another. Oh spirits, I didn't mean it anything other than respect! Please don't let it eat me as as a midnight! It pulled away from after a few moments of frightening silence, settling into its peaceful state with a supernatural ease.

I dropped my hand with a relieved chuckle. "Glad there's at least one living thing on this island that isn't against me"

Moving around the hay, I settled against the sky bison's warm body to think. The other creature – I'm guessing a polar bear dog- thumped its tail slightly at my closer presence and drifted back off into sleep without another worry. Despite the welcome of these creatures, my heart felt like lead in my chest. I had no time to weep and mope about the way the situation had unraveled under my fingertips. No one was to blame other than myself. The truth was that Bolin didn't love me and wanting nothing to do with me. Tears sprang to my eyes as those words settled into my mind, but I swiped at them with aggravation, willing myself to be mature.

The only thing that mattered now was getting my priorities straight. First and foremost, I had a debt to repay to the sewer people. There was not much I could do for them, other than sow and use my herbal knowledge for various benign causes, but even if that was all I could put into practice to help them, I would die trying. To do this meant getting off of Air Temple Island as soon as possible, and coping with the realization that I would never see Bolin again.

"Easier said than done." I muttered, hugging my knees against my chest.

Everything seemed to have some sort of direction now, though I was less than enthusiastic about its somber reality. All in one night, the world had left to fend for my own again. No one believed in my cause, and following my own path had left nothing but more cracks and beatings on the sorry excuse of a heart that was left within me. I huddled against the creature, weary with defeat, letting my thoughts wander aimlessly. _Maybe I'll just die before morning comes. That way, I won't have to face a world without Bolin._

My dreams went from haunting nightmares to fragments of surreal intensity. For one, I could hear voices calling out my name, echoing through my bones like pleas of help. They sounded so distant and familiar that I swore, for a moment, that they were the voices of my mother and father long gone. Their volume intensified, rushing past me like a torrent wind, until they stopped with a sudden hush. The loss of having them near turned my blood cold with dread. _Please, don't leave me! Take me with you!_

Flashes of colors- some red, some orange, and perhaps some gray- brought back the voices, now hushed unlike their previous cries. The colors disappeared, and for a moment, only one voice existed and registered in my head: _Bolin. _My eyes brimmed with anguished tears, and I let them fall safely inside this dream. _Show him, Lily. Let him see how badly he hurt you. Never let yourself forget the way he has forsaken you. _

Pabu met my half-asleep gaze from above the heavy blanket covering me. I blinked, staring into his furry face with confusion before I gave the familiar room around us a searching glance. How had he gotten into my room? When had I fallen asleep? My chest felt heavy with pain and I shifted beneath the encompassing warmth, searching for any answers I could muster. All that ran across my mind were the memories of Bolin leaving and my encounters with the two gigantic white creatures. This did nothing but leave me with deep-rooted sadness and no answers to my confusion.

I sat up slowly, watching Pabu scamper up to the windowsill with indifference. _Lucky creature, without a care in the world!_ Stretching, I gave the room one last look over before getting up to change, knowing that I would most likely never see it again, if everything went as I suspected. _Good riddance! The sooner I leave, the quicker this last sliver of hope can be snuffed from my heart._

A small piece of paper fell off my neatly folded dress, fluttering to the ground as I pulled my clothing on. My breath caught at trying to narrow down the possibilities of who the author of the note was or what it demanded from me. Please spirits, don't let it be anymore bad news! Lifting it with trembling hands, I read the note in its entirety with a single glance:

Lily- Please come find me in the sitting room when you wake up. ~ Pema

Glancing back over at Pabu, I let out a small cough. "Come on, little Pabu. It seems as though my trial starts early today."

With the little creature curled contently across my shoulders, I walked through the temple without encountering anyone other than a few handfuls of female monks, who all walked past me as if I were invisible. They seemed so poised and charismatic in their autumnal array of clothing colors, unlike me, drab in my soft gray woolen dress. A bitter laugh rose in my throat, but I choked it back in embarrassment. _Envious of a bunch of monks? How pathetic._

The chilly air swirling across the open courtyard raised my skin to tiny goosebumps within seconds of contact. I wrapped my arms tightly against my chest, heaving a shallow cough as the frigid temperature latched itself onto my lungs with no regret. Great goodness, had the temperature dropped so quickly overnight? It wouldn't take much to kill me, shivering uncontrollably in this sorry excuse for warm clothing, though Pabu did add a small amount of warmth to counteract it.

Walking into the sitting room, I was almost ready to march back out at the happy sight unfolding without notice at my glare. Pema was sitting in her reclined chair, fixing the hair of her youngest daughter as her son ran from one side of the room to the other, blasting balls of air from one object to the other. Her husband- Tenzin, as she so lovingly referred to him- was sitting with their oldest daughter, who was just as absorbed in her reading as he was. Their lives of peaceful and unifying, I had to say.

At least, it was until the little boy blasted a gust of icy wind into my face, making Pabu chirp in dislike. "Hey! You're the girl nobody wants on the island!"

I clenched my arms tighter at the bluntness of his exclamation, feeling the bile rise in my throat out of fright at his words. Was I really that unwanted? The other four broke from their peaceful routines in shock as well, muttering indistinctly at the boy. _But you know he's right._ The little voice sprang at my inability to fight off my disheartened emotions. _Nobody ever wants a bad luck mongrel like you around. _

"Hello, Lily." Pema smiled at me after shooting a motherly gaze at her son. "Are you feeling better this morning?"

Had I not been feeling well before? I had only had this cough since the morning. Oh wait, maybe she was referring to last night's turn of events. "Yes." I lied, despite knowing it would never be the case. "Thank you."

She nodded, glancing over at her husband. He noticed her gaze and cleared his throat, getting the attention of all three of his children. "Jinora, Ikki- take Meelo outside and find something to keep him occupied. The three of us adults need to talk alone."

A collective sigh broke out amongst them, but no one dared to speak back to him. Less than enthusiastic about being sent out into the chilly weather, each of the girls shot me a look of complete displeasure before toting their rambunctious little brother out the door. I couldn't blame them, but the sooner we got done having this conversation, the sooner they could come back to the warmth and protection of their home. A luxury I no longer had.

"Bolin told us all about what you two spoke of last night." Tenzin was quick to cut to the chase. "And we've come to a consensus, unless there's any more information you'd like to disclose on your behalf."

It was hard not to sound bitter. "Not at all."

"Well then, I have some very unfortunate news to give to you. As a teacher to the Avatar and a counsel-man for Republic City, I cannot tolerate those who work with Amon in any fashion hiding their presence amongst us. I do this not only to protect Korra and the city, but my family as well. Therefore, you are not allowed to stay freely here on Air Temple Island. You must leave as soon as you decide on a new location to be brought to. However, if you do not or refused to do so, I will be forced to keep you lock up away from everyone on this island."

"I understand." The calmness of my own voice shocked me. "My feelings mirror your own. I will be leaving to the sewers, then. Tonight, if you see it fit."

Pema could hardly hide her shock at my location. "The sewers?!"

"Very well." Tenzin stroked his beard before getting up to leave. "I'll speak to the others and have an answer to you before sunset. So in the meantime, please don't go anywhere without letting one of us know. Last night was enough trouble."

Huh? I turned to Pema after he left for clarity. "Last night? Am I missing something?"

"Oh! Well," She chuckled nervously. "No one knew where you ran off to when Asami found that your room was empty late last night. Tenzin and the two brothers went out searching the whole island over to find you. I don't think anyone would have guessed that Oogi would be hiding you, but luckily Bolin caught a glimpse of you there and brought you in safely to warm up and rest."

So that's how Pabu had gotten into my room. Damn that Bolin! I would have rather stayed outside and been frozen to death than to have to owe him anymore. People shouldn't save those they don't love. "That explain a lot."

"I'd sure hope so. Enough about that though. Honestly, Lily, I have to speak my mind with you or I'll die regretting it. Despite what my husband says, I want you to know that I've never seen you as any trouble or harm here. My motherly instinct would have told me otherwise. You're an honest girl, easy to talk to, and it's sure going to be sad to not have you here to help with the laundry. Don't-"

She broke off mid-sentence with a sudden wince, putting both of her hands around her enormous belly. The baby! Oh spirits, let everything be alright! Should I run for help? My feet felt frozen in place. I watched, unable to help, until she settled into her chair with a pained smile.

"Sorry about that. The baby doesn't realize how strong its kicks can be. Don't worry, I'm just fine now that it's gotten gentler. Don't look so frightened- I'm telling the truth! Would you like to come feel for yourself?"

This was the ultimate sign of trust from a mother. But despite this gesture, my heart felt like lead in my chest. Pema shouldn't allow me to get close; I did not deserve her approval. "Thank you, Pema, but I don't want to curse your unborn child. All I am is a dirty, unlucky mongrel that nobody ever wanted to claim. Goodbye, and I wish you the best."

My spirits were so low that I didn't even jump at the realization that Bolin had been standing outside the door eavesdropping. _No more! _My heart cried. _I can't take this anymore._ He opened his mouth to speak to me, but I lifted my hand quickly to stop him dead in his tracks. That calm composure I had felt moments ago felt shattered in his presence, and was no replaced with a mouthful of vengeful words.

"Don't you dare." I hissed, grabbing Pabu off my shoulders before setting him on the ground between us. "Leave me alone, Bolin. Do I make myself clear enough to an idiot like you? Not a single word, not a single glance of kindness or pity! That's what you get for harboring a bad omen! Nothing but trouble! So take your stupid ferret and walk away like you did so easily last night. I'm going to my room, or better yet, my prison cell! Be sure to tell your friends that so you don't go searching for me again! I wouldn't want to make any more trouble!"

Stomping through the courtyard, the cold wind seemed comforting against the poison I had just let run rampantly through my veins. The faint glimmer of hope had disappeared like I had wished, leaving me with a heart that wanted to feel no more and a cycle of distrust and darkness that could never be broken.

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Thank you to all who are reading and reviewing. ~ E.F.**


	9. Beautiful Dirt

** Chapter 9: Beautiful Dirt**

The rest of the day flashed by me in snippets of consciousness. Some girl- I'm not quite sure who- muttered something about Pema before dropping something on the floor behind me and heading out the door. Once I was completely reassured that she wasn't coming back, I crawled over to the large box she had left. Its contents proved to hold things that I would need: a box of needles and some string, some dried tea in a tin container, some porous cloths that could provide a variety of uses, a worn pot, and a large, crimson robe that had seen better days. Despite the appearance of several of the items, they were still usable and would do me well. I sent a large prayer up to the spirits to bless Pemma twenty-fold for her benevolence.

I must have fallen asleep again, because the next thing I could remember was a large hand shaking me awake. Coughing, I sprawled forward to clutch my aching chest. This sickness would not pass quickly, I could feel it in my bones. The hand, sensing my discomfort, released its hold on me to allow me to catch my breath and steady my frantic heart.

"Lily, we have to leave now."

My mouth wanted to twist into a bitter smile, but I will myself to let nothing pass from the grim line I had pressed my lips into. Why, of all the people who wanted me gone, was Bolin the one to fetch me? I had to thank the spirits though, because I was more than ready to leave this fake fortress of benevolent sanctuary.

"So who's grabbing what?" I recognized the voice as the woman who had been in my room earlier with Pemma's box.

"Bolin can grab her-" Mako started, before I cut him off with a snarl that proved worthy of a . "Or not. I'll grab her and you get her stuff, bro."

My hands were held tightly against my back. I was swept to my feet with ease, and I ducked my gaze to the floor, unwilling to gaze at any of them. One of the girls broke away from the group and walked up beside me, hastily tying a length of material across my eyes before I could even process what she was doing. The sudden onset of darkness instilled a heavy uneasiness in my already burdened chest, but I bit down on my lip to keep myself from trembling in fear and anguish of being treated like a criminal. I was so lost in my own emotions that I didn't even taste the blood in my mouth until we had started walking.

The walk itself was strange and unsettling, leaving me feeling more like a caged animal than a human being. During our walk across the island, I sent one last goodbye to those who had found sympathy in my short stay here: sweet, pregnant Pemma and the patient, white creatures. The stillness of the island was soon cut off by an eerie, close space enviroment; it seemed to me like an underground tunnel I had passed through in my previous stay in the sewers. The feeling it left in me was hard to desribed: I felt caged, but mesmerized. Could something like this actually exist near the island?

When the smell almost knock me off my feet and into a set of heavy coughs, I knew that we had finally reached the sewers. Someone let out a feminine sigh, irking me to as new level of irratability. _I am NOT a waste of your time. I'll show all of you that I never needed your help._

Ten more steps gave Mako the okay to release his hold of me and confer with his brother. "You think this seems about right to stop?"

"Sure." A muffled drop seemed to second his approval. I couldn't help but notice the downhearted tone his voice held. _Don't._ I willed myself to not feel anything towards him anymore._ Don't read into feelings he surely doesn't have for you._ "Go on back to the girls, bro. I just need a second alone with Lily."

Mako seemed a little reluctant to leave the two of us alone. "Alright, but hurry. Korra's been waiting to kick some ass all day, so don't test her patience."

A tiny laugh was shared between the brothers before Mako's footsteps retreated. I hugged my arms around my body, wishing that Bolin had the decency to follow him. There was no time to say goodbye; his brother had made that very clear only a moment before. My future, although limited, stood before me now. Petty feelings had been affordable when I had let other people try to control my worth, but that part of my life was over.

"I really wish I could look into your eyes one last time," He laughed softly, but to no avail. I could still hear the sadness in his voice; Bolin had always been terrible at hiding his true feelings. "but everyone needs you to keep that blindfold on until I whistle. Understand? It's honestly just for safety. You know none of us would ever treat you like this if Amon wasn't going all macho murder machine on us."

_Don't make excuses!_ I willed myself to stay silent, despite my anger. He sighed at my cold reaction, moving a step closer. "I don't- I don't want to say goodbye, Lily! Ever since we met that night when I was crying worse than any guy should, you've given me a brand new way to look at myself and why I'm doing why I'm doing right now. Believe me, know you deserve so much better than the crap you've been through. Once we defeat Amon, Lily, I'll make sure you get the world. I know these past few days have probably make you want to forget meeting an idiot like me, but don't ever forget what I'm about to tell you: You are always worth fighting for. Despite anything you think, Lily, I'm doing this for you too, because.. because I love you!"

My breath caught in my throat at his sudden proclamation. How could he possibly say those words to me? No one had ever told me I was worth anything, and they were probably right. _But he said he loves you._ My heart willed me to believe in what he had spoken. _How could a man say such a thing if he didn't weigh your existence as much as life itself? You mean that much to him. _

The built up silence between us by ironically broken by an angry sound coming from behind him, in the direction that Mako had walked off in. He really must have not been joking when he said that someone's patience was at its limit. My mind was swimming in the realization that my last encounter with Bolin would only last a few more moments.

"Please," Bolin pleaded, grasping for control over the situation. "just turn around."

My head and heart were screaming for two different reactions to what he was asking of me. Despite the war within me, I had already known the answer as soon as he asked. This would be our last time seeing each other, for who knows how long. Perhaps forever. Could I really deny him such a simple act?

I turned slowly on my heels, dropping my arms to my sides in a truce. His arms wasted no time in wrapping around me in a tight embrace, leaving me bittersweet in the physical realization that we would really be parting for good. My face pressed against his chest, breathing his scent in deeply so I might never forget it. How could he make me feel so complete? I willed myself not to cry at how badly my body felt drawn to his. Spirits, if only our fates had been different! Perhaps our love would have had a chance.

As his arms left me more cold and alone than I had felt in my entire life, my heart seemed to be ripped out for the second and final time for this man. The five solemn words in my mind held our eternal verdict: _We can never be together._ Since the loss of my mother, those words had haunted my very existence. Tonight, much to my dismay, they added another name to its list of separation.

"I know you probably will never find it in your heart to love me, but don't make me another scar that you carry around for the rest of your life. Remember all the good memories we had, Lily. There's never enough good in the world."

With that final plea, he was gone, his heavy footsteps willing me to fight back. _Don't leave me!_ My arms were frozen at my sides. _I love you too!_ My tongue was like stone in my mouth. Completely torn up inside, I heard his whistle in a matter of seconds, seealing our unhappy fates forever. Releasing the knot on my blindfold, I stood staring at the moonlight dancing across the open waters outside of the sewers, wondering how in the world I could live with this much pain and regret for the rest of my life. _You can't without forgetting Bolin. _My heart whispered feebly. _It's the only way to go on. _

After promising myself to do just that, I grabbed my knapsack and Pema's box, heading into the sewers to find Gommu and whatever remained of my future.

**AN: I hate to end on such a melancholy note, but sometimes even stories have to have bittersweet endings. Thank you to all who have read this. Please review and leave me your parting thoughts with this story! ~E.F.**


	10. Epilogue

**AN: I know I usually leave my note until the end of the update, but this one needed to be stated beforehand. With so many of you leaving sad reviews, I decided to update with an alternate ending via this epilogue. I still stand by my original ending, as unhappy as it made you. The point I was aiming for was for you to go "No way! If it were me, I'd -" and fill in your change/motivation to fight for what you believe in. I know Lily was bitter up to the very end, but it was the way I envisioned her reacting to the reality of love all along. And yes, I agree, the group's reaction to getting her off the island was a little over the top. My apologies. Anyway, enjoy this final chapter! Please review! ~E.F.**

** SOOTHE MY SOUL: THE EPILOGUE**

Forgetting Bolin never happened. He was in my mind every moment of the day, helping me cope with the new routine of my life here among the sewer rats. Gommu was kind enough to take me back under his wing, although he was nothing less than shocked that I had returned, especially so soon. Within a hour of my arrival, they had procured a measly excuse for a living quarter at his beaconing. Most people would have scoffed at two scraps of material bound around three slightly rotten logs qualifying as a home, but when you had nothing, it meant the world.

The others of the community extended their kindness in turn over the course of a few days. No doubt Gommu had told everyone about my resolve to stay and help repay the debt I owed to several of them, which honestly didn't bother me at all. These people respected that I had come back of my own will, and spared me of any unnecessary interactions. I was happy for their approval, and it added to my drive to prove them right for putting some form of trust in me.

Despite my lingering cough and the nights were I had to fall asleep hungry, life down here was bearable. Even the smell, which had gotten to me at first, seemed to fade as the days wore on with my work. It was all thanks to my resilience, begotten from all of the events I had lived through, gave me the strength and resolve to meet another day. To keep myself from lingering on unwelcome thoughts, I worked from sun up until sunset, sewing laundry and doing tasks that Gommu and the other men who had helped save me reluctantly gave me to do to repay my debt. The other women in the community had been weary of me at first, but as they came to see my work and resistance to plow along right next to the rest of them, they started to open up slowly and talk to me. After a while, it became a norm for a group of them to come to visit me in the evening, with their children in tow, happy to chat or be entertained for a while.

In all honesty, I think what brought them back night after night was my stories. With the dread sitting in that Amon was gaining control of the city to no avail, we all needed some extra hope, in some form other than the Avatar, to keep us going without being grounded by our fears. A boiling a small ration of my precious tea from Pema, everyone would sit in my tent and unwind as I told my tales. At first, they were about different events that happened while I traveled with my parents. Retelling these happy memories, although engaging for my audience, helped me to come to grips with the fact that as painful as losing my mother had been, we had made some worthwhile memories I could always cherish. When those were wobbled up and new entertainment was demanded, I floundered around for a new tale, only to fall back on the one thing that I promised myself would never escape from my mouth: my adventures with Bolin. Despite changing everyone's names and a few minor details to the setting and such, the tale kept everyone on their feet for the next night's installment and full of excitement. As much as it warmed my heart to see them so in arms about it, I couldn't help but feel that maybe all along, I had never noticed how good I had it with him.

On my last night of the tale, the creation of a new ending was in store. If I could have changed our last encounter, what would have gone differently? _I would have told Bolin that I loved him too. _My heart whispered as I sat in the silence of my tent the evening beforehand. _And he would promise to never leave me. _So, with my feelings reevaluated, I ended my love story to the happy sighs and dabbing of hopeful tears at the captive women sitting in my tent. After everyone had applauded and went off on their own ways, I sat in my crimson robe, lost in the melancholy of my own thoughts. Despite the way things had ended up going between us, Bolin was still the one I loved. When Amon was taken down – if the Avatar could prevail- would he come back to look for me? Or was he trying to forget me and the bad omen everyone though I had turned out to be?

My meditation was broken by something scampering across my lap. Oh god, not another furry sewer creature in my tent again! I opened my eyes to get a good look at my target, but just as I was about to swat whatever vermin had encroached on my tranquility, I froze in utter stupor. There was no vermin scuttling across my lap, but a very complacent looking Pabu curling up to sleep.

"It can't be!" I rubbed my eyes, looking back down to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. The furry red ball was still there, filling my legs with the warmth of its little body. "This _can't_ be true."

The flap to my tent flew away, letting a monstrous body in through the entry way it created. Bolin stopped as soon as our eyes met to scratch his head, giving me to analyze him. From the crumpled appearance of his clothing and dropping stature, you really couldn't tell between the two of us who had been living in the sewers. His green eyes, usually bright with enthusiasm and joy, seemed somewhat dim in the reflections of sadness, fear, and some other emotion I could not identify. He grinned as he noticed my snooping stare, causing me to gawk at him childishly for getting caught.

"It looks like life's finally turning around for you, Lily." He placed an extra emphasis on my name, sending a warm feeling flooding over me. His words trailed off as he took a hesitant step forward. "I'm happy for you..."

I tried my best to compose myself, though I couldn't keep the edge of doubt out of my voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Air Temple Island was attacked."

I knew from his sullen expression that it was the heart-clenching truth. "No way!" The panic made my voice raise an octave. "Did anyone get hurt? What about Pema? And the baby? Are they fine?"

"She's fine," He sat down a foot or so in front of me, grinning lightly at my frantic questions. "And so is baby Rohan. Tenzin and their whole family escaped on the sky bisons. A lot has happened over the last few weeks, but now that we have nowhere to go, the four of us are going to be staying here for tonight, or longer, until we can get it all figured out on how to stop Amon once and for all."

"I can't believe it."

"Neither can we. But have no fear, Team Avatar is on the patrol once again!" Bolin did some cheesy gesture that sent me into a fit of giggles. He smiled at my break of composure, and the sight it made my heart break at the tenderness it held. "There's my girl. Listen, I need to go back to the others, but why don't you come find me later? We'll be out with Gommu."

Heeding his request, I made my way out to Gommu's area after Pabu awoke from his little nap. Bolin and his three friends looked worse for wear, huddled wearily around the dying remains of a fire. I wanted to just slip by them unseen to Bolin's side, but Gommu spotted me first, giving me a good humored as the others noticed my arrival.

"Left you some supper, Lily!" He motioned to the pot sitting near his edge of the fire. "Hope you're up for another night of sea prune stew."

I nodded, handing Pabu back to Bolin, whose hand brushed against mine with a jolt of electricity. If my heart was beating any faster after that encounter, my chest would have exploded under the strain. It was dangerous. Very dangerous.

Just as I was grabbing the pot, a female voice spoke out from the group. "Sorry."

My eyes shot up to meet a pair of icy blue ones staring at me with a sad smile. I could have died in my mind-blowing realization that she was the Avatar. She hugged her arms tighter around her, looking slightly uncomfortable at the shocked gaze I was giving her. "We shouldn't have treated you like that earlier. I was so caught up in Amon's name coming up that I couldn't think past it."

Oh, dear spirits. She was apologizing to me? "It's alright." I mustered a tiny smile, trying to hold the pot steady in my now shaking hands. I gazed across the other two, making sure to speak to the group as a whole. "You did what you thought was right. Nothing was done between us that couldn't be undone."

The three nodded, while Bolin was staring at me, attentively analyzing my features. I could feel my blush spreading down across my cheeks to the beginning of my neck, fearful of what had caused him to gaze at me so deeply. I felt flustered, and confused, wanting more than anything else to get out of there and hide in the safe, isolation of my own tent. Managing a swift bow to the group, I practically stumbled out of the area, only to hear someone yell after me.

"Lily, wait up!" Bolin was only a foot or so behind me. "Could I come back and talk to you again?"

_No, no, no! _My mind screamed. _This is dangerous! You promised to leave him be! _Why did he have to make me so bereft of any common sense? The words were slipping out of my mouth before I could even process them. "If you'd like."

The two of us re-situated ourselves back in my tent in a charged silence. I busied myself with the task of eating slowly to prevent myself from talking to him, leaning down to also scratch Pabu from time to time. My portion of the stew wasn't even half way eaten, and neither of us had, thankfully, spoken a word. _Good, good! _My mind almost cheered at the turn of events. _Perhaps he'll see that this is the way it has to be and go back to his friends._

"I heard you storytelling earlier." He chanced a lengthy glance in my direction.

I met it for a moment, mortified that he had heard my gushy ending to "our" story. He obviously wouldn't put two and two together, would he? My best option was to play it off with a snarky joke. "You're a habitual eavesdropper, huh, Bolin?"

He chuckled nervously at my accusation. "I try not to, but with the ladies, sometimes I need all the help I can get. Which often includes listening in, I'll admit." After a snort from me, he changed pace. "Anyway, those people seemed drawn to your every word. It seemed like magic."

"They needed hope." It was a flimsy attempt to brush off his compliment. "We all do. If telling these tales keeps them going a little stronger, then who am I to deny them this opportunity? Life has been hard to all of us, and sometimes, we just need to forget our situations and live in someone else's shoes to relieve some of the pressure."

"There's never enough good in the world." He gave me a lop-sided grin, and I couldn't help but grin back at the sound of my own mantra.

Neither of us said another word for a prolonged period of time. I finished my food, thinking deeply into what both of us had said moments ago. Fate had sure dealt a hard hand for me to play life with, but bringing out the good in others, and finally myself, had helped ease some of the overwhelming pain that threatened to choke me forever. Even as the memory of Bolin saying he loved me flooded my senses, it gave me a flint glimmer of hope that one day, he might say it again.

"That story you were telling... It was about you and me, wasn't it?"

My grip on the pot completely slackened, sending it to the ground in a series of rattling impacts. No way! How could he.. how could he possible get any of that just from the ending of my story? I stammered aimlessly, trying to think of anything that kick his suspicion from the truth he dug up so easily, but nothing seemed to logically form on the tip of my tongue.

"It really wasn't that hard to figure out." His voice was gently endearing. "A serious witch and comedic knight? I couldn't have picked better characters myself, but come on! Pabu, some miserable ride-on creature? No way! He'd be something more fantastic, more ferocious!"

Shaking off his joke, I wrapped my arms around me in a sense of utter defeat. Mortified was the only word I could use to describe how I was feeling at that moment in time. He knew. He knew how I wanted our future to turn out to be. "What exactly are you trying to get at, Bolin?"

"Um..How do I-"

"Spit it out!"

He chuckled nervously, disliking the edgy tone I was using. He sat with his eyes closed for a moment, before gazing heavily at me. "I would have never left you if I had been given a choice, Lily."

"What?"

"When I had to leave you here, I thought that I was going to die inside. Like, someone was taking a knife and carving little pieces of me off with each breath I had to take. This whole crazy mess with Amon got between us and made it seem like it was best that we break away from each other. But that was never the only option! From the first, obviously creepy night I met you, I knew what I felt for you. When I carried you back to Air Temple Island, all hurt and out of sorts, I promised that I would never leave you again and let anything like that come after you in the future. I know I already told you how I felt about you, but I still mean it with all of my heart: I love you, Lily."

My jaw slacked open at his unexpected confession. All this time- that was how long he had been in love with me? Despite all the cruel words I said to him, and how heartlessly I had rejected his presence the night we had to separate? Impossible. This kind of love only existed in the stories like the ones I had been narrating to the women at night. It couldn't really exist, could it?

"I know it's hard for you to wrap your mind around," He sounded dejected, probably taking my shocked silence in the wrong way. "And I'm not expecting you to say anything. Just.. Promise me that once this whole fight against Amon is over, you'll give me a chance. Let an idiot like me prove himself to you."

_Say something!_ My heart screamed, begging to finally be heard. _Your hope was well founded. Don't let it slip away!_

I let out a shaky sigh, willing my heart to stop climbing higher into my throat with each breath I took. How could I possibly do this? Was it all to good to be true?

"That's going to be a hard promise to keep," My voice could barely register at a whisper, but I knew it had reached his ears when he jumped back, startled. "because I'm already in love with you, Bolin."

If he had been shocked a moment before, the look on his face now gave me the indication that he might as well have been having a stroke. "No way!" His hands shot up in surprise, but his face was nothing but smiles. "Don't you go pulling my leg, Lily!"

I could barely suppress the blush heating my cheeks to some skyward temperature. "Why would I be pulling your leg on something so serious?! I'm embarrassed enough as it is! Please, do not make me say it again."

His hands moved down to wrap around mine. Despite the enormous grin plastered on my face, I had to not meet his eye, or I would be so far gone that I would be in serious trouble. His thumb rubbed against the side of my hand, and I jumped, immediately feeling the intimacy of this gesture. Is this what it feels like to be truly loved by someone else? _Yes. _The little voice in my head finally seemed to be on my side again. _And you were about to give it up for nothing. Cherish it!_

Bolin let out a shaky sigh. "Do you.. want me to let go?"

"No." I shook my head, chancing a quick glance into his equally flushed face. "You can never have enough good memories. Let's not rush this one to end just yet."

We sat there like that for a while longer, until Pabu started to chirp, discontent that he was not the center of attention for a decent amount of time. The two of us busted out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter at the little creature, watching him scamper from my knee to Bolin's for a well deserved scratch. Bolin broke his hold on me – which felt like losing a newly found limb- to pick up his pet and give him a heavy pout.

"Come on, buddy!" He cried, shaking the red, squirming ferret in reproval. "This is _real_ love we're talking about. You've got to cut me some slack to make it work!"

I laughed at his comedic act, making him grin approvingly at me. "Any hoo," He let Pabu clamber up to his shoulders as he got up. "Time to be serious again and go figure out how to save the city with the others."

"I understand."

He held by knowing gaze for few moments, then saluted me by placing his hand tenderly on his heart. "Until tomorrow, Lily."

We said our goodnights, and I was again alone in my tent. My hands were shaking in the wake of the adrenaline rush that filled every fiber of my being. I had been so bitter, so angry, towards the concept of love, because in all honesty, it had always alluded my grasp. Now, despite all the turmoil I had put myself through, I realized it had been all for nothing now that Bolin understood and accepted my feelings for him. The light that seemed to flee whenever my very existence was near flooded back on me like a beacon, welcoming a weary traveler home from years of wandering. I was started to put my faith in my hopes, and the fact that Bolin would bring back the real me I had pushed down over the years: happy, thoughtful, and optimistic Lily.

I curled up in my robe, allowing my mind to drift through the new possibilities that my -no, _our_- future could hold once Amon got what he deserved: a laughter-filled stroll in a rebuilt Republic City Park, a house that we could share and fill with happy memories, a midnight bath for a troublesome Pabu that ended up with us just as soaked as he was. Our old memories merged with those still left unmade, and I could hardly believe the type of world Bolin had graciously allowed my future to be born into.

**~FINIS~**


End file.
